The Brotherhood of the Tousled Haired Men

I have been REALLY excited about this post since it first popped into my head while driving to work one day. Which, no lie – I get some of my BEST writing ideas and blogging topics while driving to work, singing to The Kills at the top of my lungs, and sipping my Starbucks latte. Clearly I’m a fantastic multi-tasker. Or two-seconds away from causing a massive car pileup on the highway. Whatever. I was thinking about my first post where I mused about my love (and let’s face it requirement) of a man with tangible hair you can tousle, stroke, pet, and dammit GRAB. Naturally, I got thinking about Robert Pattinson – obviously he is the definition of out of control hair you can grab – and how if HE ever shaved his head, I’d be downright devastated. Several days later – tragedy struck.

Rob both demonstrates my point and expresses my feelings about it.

THE TOUSLED HAIR WAS GONE.

And suddenly, I was left looking like this:

Freaking out. Thinking. Looking at my life choices. Was there life after hair that can’t be tousled? I found myself thinking back to every celebrity crush in my life (which might I add I had to consult with my best friend since childhood before writing this post because I was sure I was forgetting some) and I realized something. I saw the pattern.

I was FOREVER in love with men with tousled hair.

My next thought? Clearly I need to do a blog post about this. Which is why you’re reading this right now. Because I kinda want to reveal to you all how ridiculously crazy I can be when it comes to being set in my ways. Cause making fun of myself is TOTALLY entertaining. So without further hair tousling – I give you….

Let’s start at the beginning – the early teen years OR the FIRST poster of a boy to grace my walls. This is where the original members of the Brotherhood of the Tousled Haired Men were found.

Devon Sawa

Devon Sawa was seriously the first heartthrob crush of my childhood. This exact poster was carefully stuck to my wall with blue sticky-tack that I’m sure my parents are still trying to scrape off. Because Devon Sawa was HOT and if you paused ‘Now and Then’ just right – we as 11 year old school girls were convinced you could see his penis. Clearly, we didn’t get out enough.

The next member of the BotTHM was discovered on the Canadian station YTV and made school mornings WAY better on a little show called Breaker High.

Ryan Gosling

Ryan Gosling was the reason I got out of bed a half an hour early in the morning  in junior high because not only was he ridiculously cute, his character went to high school on a mother effing cruise ship and well that was the coolest thing since Pogs.

congratulations on your face.

At the age of 13, the first vampire infiltrated the BotTHM

Angel

Not only was Angel ridiculously hot with his head of tousled hair, he was a vampire (the real traditional kind before vampires sparkled) and he taught girls a very smart lesson  – lose your virginity and your boyfriend will lose his soul, turn into a total jerk and try to kill you.

Speaking of teenage girls – turning 13 is kind of a big deal at the time. You know what else is kind of a BFD at the time?  Discovering Leonardo Dicaprio. Which brings us to one of the senior members of the BotTHM

Leonardo DiCaprio

The Leonardo DiCaprio years of my life will forever be memorable. I mean, they pretty much spanned from thirteen years of age until now which is basically half my lifetime. And when the most epic movie of all freakin time happened in December of 1997 – I would be single for years afterward because clearly no guy could ever compare to THIS guy.

 again, congratulations on your face

By the time I hit high school, Leonardo DiCaprio was obviously the President of the BotTHM  but new members were popping up all over the place.

In 2001 – something happened when I watched the MTV Movie Awards. And that something was,

Jimmy Fallon

I had no idea who this man was. Just that those jeans looked way too good on him. A little research thanks to Netscape (REMEMBER NETSCAPE?) told me he was a regular on this little show called Saturday Night Live. Life as I knew it – was never the same. And I never stayed at a high school party after 12:20pm on a Saturday night again. Because THIS was on my TV.

And trust me. When Jimmy Fallon shaved HIS head – a shit fit was had on my part.

my feelings exactly Jimmy. no. just no.

Of course no Brotherhood is complete without an older, wiser member which brings us to my favorite older man:

George Clooney

Now George Clooney was thrown into this mix to prove that I CAN be lenient in my tousled hair requirement. George Clooney has never had A LOT of tousled hair but that little tuff in the front? I die.

By my last year of high school, the BotTHM was in need of a member from a galaxy, far, far away.

Hayden Christensen

the force is strong in this one’s hair.

Ok I’ll be honest. I’m kind of a Star Wars nerd deep down. I loved the movies as a kid and I went to ALL of the midnight showings of the three first episodes – ACTUALLY I had a private advanced showing of Episode 3 because I was dating a theater manager at the time. #perks I own a freaking Ewok stuff animal. But I never really thought of Star Wars as sexy until these two came along. And then it was like – Jar Jar Binks who?

the hotness lets me forget Anakin was once 8 and she was running Naboo. Just Sayin.

By the time university rolled around, I started to focus on actually dating REAL attainable men. The BotTHM senior members were still bringing me back to the theatre with their latest movies (both good and bad – don’t even get me started on how I’ll never get the 2+ hours I wasted watching Aviator back) and by my final year of university, one guilty pleasure TV drama brought a new tousled haired member to the BofTHM. Two Words. Chuck Bass.

Ed Westwick

Chuck Bass encompasses everything that drives me crazy about a man. Ambition. Drives around in a limo. Makes a suit look good. Tousled Hair. Dark & Brooding. Yup. TIMELESS.

Fresh out of university, I moved to Las Vegas in the summer of 2008 and a dear friend from school was all “dude – you need to read this book series Twilight.” I’m not even going to continue because you know where this is going.

Robert Pattinson

It didn’t matter that he sparkled. It didn’t matter than he was all “I can’t control myself around you.” Robert Pattinson MADE EVERYTHING OK as Edward. Who am I kidding? He makes everything OK no matter who he’s playing. And then he fell in love with his co-star Kristen and a massive girly crush started and my life was basically in shambles of constantly flailing and heart swelling.

I MEAN SERIOUSLY

….

But really …

 Still wondering what was the purpose of this post?

The Brotherhood of the Tousled Haired Men – it totally exists people.

Crystal

13 thoughts on “The Brotherhood of the Tousled Haired Men

  1. Breaker High for.ev.ah.!
    For my older crush, I would exchange Clooney for Robert Downey Jr. He just has this “je ne sais quoi”, and he has divine hair.
    Great post C! <3

  2. I love reading your posts!..so entertaining…i also love tousled hair..but cant help but add adam levine and tyler hoechlin (sp)? To my list..even if they aren’t quite tousled :)

  3. Sitting here looking back at all my crushes… AND YES OMG THE BofTHM totally exists!

    I don’t think it is a requirement for me, both guys I’ve dated have had longer and buzzed hair and… while I LOVE me a little bit of hair to grab I also love the softness of a shaved head. So there.

    My adds to this list: Eddie Redmayne: RED TOUSLED HAIR YES, YES, YES! And Adam Brody…because, Seth Cohen that’s why.

    Please to no be taking so long to update. This blog is my life now.

  4. I’m sooo happy you put the Vampire Diaries brothers on this!!!! From your list, my top are Ryan G. (Obvi) and the Salvator Brothers…off your list, Chad Michael Murray (minus his cheating on sophia bush) he could join the Brotherbood, no?!!!!!

  5. I was always a huge Leo fan… It all started with Romeo and Juliet. I had a photo album full of Leo magazine pics and articles and even some grainy pics from NETSCAPE!

    You KNOWS I love me some hair… I’ll take it one step further and add the beard in there too. Also love your quote, “Congratulations on your face” – made me L-O-L!

  6. *sobs hysterically*

    ‘Tis a tragedy about Rob’s hair, but hair grows back. At least, that’s what I tell myself every night before I fall asleep. THERE IS HOPE.

    Also- I used to have a thing for Hayden Christensen. Holla! It was back when he was on some super stupid show, but anyway. He was hot. He’s still hot. I’d do him, tousled hair or not. SAME GOES FOR ROB, OF COURSE.

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